We all know the juggle is real when it comes to maintaining work and motherhood. When you're with the kids, you feel guilty for not prioritising work and when you're doing the work, you're guilty for not prioritising the kids! Sorta feels like we're set up to fail, huh? Well, social norms and standards aside, what can you do to make the juggle less of a circus act and more like a balanced set of Libra scales?* Read on for 8 tips to help navigate the journey.
*Spoiler: these tips might make you feel a little less burdened, but aren't profound "fix its". Only you can know what you need to get done from moment to moment.
1. Prioritise, Set Boundaries & Time Management:
Easier said than done, I know! Sometimes it's hard to know what's a priority when everything seems like it needs to be sorted now! I don't know about you, but I always find it slightly easier to prioritise at work than I do at home. Work has an outside component to it (if you work for someone else, that is) so deadlines, colleagues' needs/expectations tend to help shape the day but at home things can go a little awry. You start one task and see something else that needs doing, so you do that quickly but this escalates quickly!
Whilst studying full time from home and looking after my daughter (currently 8.5 months old) I've found it useful to schedule the days out. Essentially, I'm in mum mode from when I wake up to when my husband comes home. If I can get a little bit of side hustle work done during naps, I'll do so, but I have to let go of that when naps go out the window! Once dad is home, we tag team getting the evening chores (dinner, dishes, bath, bedtime) done and then I scuttle away into my makeshift office. I've made it my mission to do one lecture an evening so that I don't get behind (because catching up is a B*tch) and then my weekends are set for half a day each of assignment writing. There's flexibility there because of assignment deadlines, test windows etc. My husband and I communicate a lot about what we need (he has a lot of study in his job, too) and this seems to work really well for us. The other half of my weekend days I try to be present for family time - walks, brunch, running errands as a family etc.
Finally, for effectively managing my time I have multiple calendars - a weekly study one, a family finance one so I don't miss any payments, a baby/family one so we know what activities to be at and when. If it's not written down, it will be forgotten about!! Allocate specific blocks of time for work tasks, family time, self-care, and other commitments.
Try to stick to your schedule as much as possible to create a sense of routine - it's mighty helpful when everyone is on the same page (or at least in the same book!).
2. Flexible Work Arrangements & Delegation:
If you can, negotiate flexible work hours or remote work options with your employer - or your partner's employer! I'll very shortly be going back to the office for 4 hours on Friday mornings and my husband is working from home that day to care for our daughter. Putting her into daycare negates anything that I might earn, so him having the flexibility in his work to do a day at home is very kind on the budget. I recognise that not everyone has this option but if you don't ask, the answer is always no!
If working from home isn't an option then delegation is the next best thing. Setting out explicitly what tasks you will take on and what tasks your partner/children/family members will take on means no one is in the dark about who takes care of what. I take out the bins, do the food shop and keep on top of the messes made around the home (wash nappies, tidy up the toys, put everything back where it belongs) whilst my husband comes in from work and immediately takes over childcare, he does the bath and the nightly routine. It works for us and you will have what works for you.
3. Communication:
To keep a household and a work life running smoothly, keeping the lines of communication with both your family and your employer or colleagues about what your needs are is so important. No one is able to guess that you're swamped or burning out. They might have an inkling but don't want to intrude and ask questions. So be honest and open. Tell your husband he needs to take over certain tasks so you can get other things done or tell your boss that your husband is going away for a week and you're flying solo so will need extra compassion if you need to finish early, start late or duck away for anything that needs taking care of at home.
It can be scary, especially at work, to ask for what you need but a lot of bosses and colleagues will be grateful to know what is going on and where you stand. It helps them to create contingency plans and hopefully takes away some of that guilt about not being able to be completely on form work-wise for a small period of time. I always think about how in movies and tv shows, so many of the main issues could be solved by people talking to each other and explaining the situation clearly. So take up some of that main character energy and communicate, communicate, communicate!
4. Streamline Household Chores, Meal Plan & Stay Organised:
Can you outsource anything? I know at this point in time, everyone is saving their pennies so forking out for a cleaner might not be what you consider a wise investment of money. Even though there's the adage of "time = money", outsourcing cleaning or cooking/meal boxes just isn't in the budget. Consider creating a cleaning schedule and doing one household chore a day - to be fair, as I write this, I've been meaning to vacuum for about a week and I'm pretty sure my kid is 99% wood chips and fluff at this point!
One thing that could be outsourced is shopping online - with the cost of petrol these days, it might be more financially prudent to shop online and have it delivered. We live about 40 minutes from the nearest town and I still drive in fortnightly. I might have to take my own advice on this one! Doing the food shop this way also means it's easier to meal plan and stop adding those little extras to the cart. Who am I kidding, I LOVE those little extras.
Consider decluttering both your house and your tech. Having an organised home and inbox makes for a simpler life. I don't know about you, but I get very overwhelmed when there is stuff everywhere and need to ensure the house is completely put to rights each evening. Toys, dishes, random piles of clothes, even where you keep the little bits of paper that seem to build up on [insert flat surface here] take up valuable brain space. I was the teen who moved my stuff from my floor to my bed and back to my floor again. I don't know how I managed to finish highschool! Now, especially with a child, I aim to put as much as possible back where I found it. It means I don't waste valuable brain space and time searching for my keys, the bottle warmer, my uni notes. If I can impart anything, try to build up the habit of putting things back where they go, you'll be thanking yourself all day, every day :)
Keeping the lines of communication open about your needs, both at home & at work, is so important. No one is able to guess that you're swamped or burning out.
5. Use Technology Wisely:
Ah technology. I'm going to contradict myself here because I say that having a cuppa and a scroll can be a form of self-care (which it totally is). But remember that while technology use can be leveraged to stay connected with both work and family, it is wise to set limits to avoid overusing it. Doom scrolling, whilst mildly entertaining, is such a time suck and in my experience, doesn't lead to feeling good about oneself. I have spent many, MANY hours scrolling and when I finally pull myself back to the land of reality I feel foggy and oftentimes lonely.
Phones and screens are wonderful inventions for communication and entertainment but like with anything, moderation is key. Once upon a time I could binge a series in a day (and well into the night) but now taking time to read an actual book is a leisure that I forgot felt so self-indulgent. Being present with my family feels good and seeing my actual friends in real life is so much better than messaging. No hate to communicating via messaging when you're all in the trenches and need to send that meme or photo of your kid stuck under the couch... we've all been there!
6. Prioritise Self-Care and Wellbeing:
I'm not going to tell you what you should be doing re your own self-care. You know what recharges your battery and you know what drains it. For me it's having an uninterrupted conversation with my husband where we talk about things that aren't related to the house or parenting! It's also treating myself to coffees out with friends, going for walks when the sun is out (especially so during winter) and reading a good book before bed.
There's a lot of information out there that says wake up before the kids do, drink hot water with lemon, meditate, journal, use mindfulness techniques etc. All of these are great if they're what suit you and your lifestyle. For me, not so much. I certainly try to be mindful when I can, but I'm usually future thinking because I have assignment deadlines and doctors appointments and nappy bags to ensure are replenished and I'm never stuck without formula or nappies! You might have multiple kids, a job that has looming deadlines and household items that need attention (I'm looking at you car rego). All I can suggest is try to take some time for just doing you. That might be a hot drink alone while scrolling, a long shower on the weekend or a walk with the baby and a good podcast.
Make sure you get priority at least once or twice a week (daily if possible). Making time for you and engaging in activities that help you recharge and reduce your stress makes the week that much more approachable and conquerable!
7. Celebrate the "Small Wins":
Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements - no matter how small! We all need a "Small Wins" bank to draw from in those times where we feel like we'll never get this right, we have no idea what we're doing and we need reassurance. Make sure that these "Small Wins" banks are for both work AND motherhood - you deserve to take all the credit you can in both.
Set up an email folder and any kind words from colleagues, clients, bosses, put them in there. Alternatively, create a word doc and write down any positive feedback you receive. Do the same for kind things your children/husband/friends/family say. Going back over these gives you a boost, helps you to remember you are capable and competent and totally kicking arse as a parent and in your career. We tend to focus on the negatives so giving the positives a place to shine is a real boon for your self-confidence.
8. Adapt and Adjust:
Be open to adjusting your strategies as your children grow and your work situation evolves.
By embracing flexibility and being willing to make changes when necessary, you'll be more ready to tackle anything that comes your way.
Remember that finding the right balance between your work life and being a mum is a continuous process. What works for one person might not work for another, so tailor these strategies to fit your individual circumstances and needs. It's okay to seek support, ask for help, and make adjustments along the way. You've got this!
I'd love to hear what your strategies are to make your lives run smoother. Comment below and let's start a bank of ideas that we can all use!
When you get the kids to bed on time, and have to eat their leftovers for dinner because you're too tired to do anything else.